Why hasn't he called?

Let me start with the question most frequently ask, by women about a man is; why hasn't he called?

Here are the most common reasons:

*He doesn't want to.

*First, he has to forget how crazy you were the last time he saw you.

*He never learn how to have a relationship.

*He doesn't know what to say.

*He doesn't feel in control of the situation.

*He is anticipating an outcome he doesn't want to face.

*He doesn't like where it seems to be heading.

*He's feeling managed, controlled, judged or smothered.

*He doesn't want to face a woman who has her own agenda and wants him to do,

be or say something; or else!

*He has to psych himself up to call you, for any number of reasons.

*He's angry and he's punishing you.

*He's figured you out and knows that you treat him better,

if you think you're losing him.

*He doesn't want and/or isn't grown-up enough for a relationship.

*He's not up to preforming or playing games.

*He only calls when he's looking for sex.

*Yes, he's got one or more other lovers.

*He'd rather be alone.

*He's got a life and you are not the center of it.

Get over it! Grow up and get a life of your own.

If you do you won't miss him and you'll be more attractive to him and to others. "Heaven forbid"! You might even lose interest in him!

*He's with his male friends.

(They are not your enemy in this. Avoid coming between a man and his friends)

*(Even if he loves you) He's busy as hell and couldn't find his back side with both hands.

A lovely church going Christian woman, called about a man who is getting a divorce. She is asking the most common question women ask about men; why hasn't he called? The specific reasons differ subtilely. In this case he couldn't tell her what she wanted to hear. He is ashamed and embarrassed that he hasn't done what she expects. Rather than lose her or disappoint her, he puts it off. In some cases that lasts forever.

In this case, a beautiful, spiritual woman wants him to to see the light. In answer to her prayers, the evil soon to be ex-wife will finally sign the divorce paper and set him free and he will come to her in Christ, fulfilling her prayers.

Consider the possibility that God has something better waiting for her.

A good prayer might be:

Help me to surrender to my highest good,

knowing it will bring my greatest peace.

Perhaps all prayer should end:

"for the highest good of all."

These prayers describe the essence of unconditional love.

Many women think that unconditional love is self-sacrifice. Some think it's putting up with any thing.

I believe the first step toward unconditional love is to except a persons current state of being. The most loving act maybe to not engage in interaction if it might be counter productive.

Like many of us, her pattern has been, to be the rescuer. If a relationship is entered into on the basis of what someone might become, you are trying to manipulate someone and control the outcome. This is fear based. Love and fear cannot co-exist.

The rescue pattern always gives you an out, if the relationship fails. You can tell yourself; He didn't live up to his potential. He changed. He was not, who you thought he was. Or, I couldn't save him, but I'll hold him in my prayers.

It was not his fault, if you only saw what you wanted to see! The failure on his part and yours; was the in ability or unwillingness to communicate as adults. That requires risk, trust, vulnerability and the possibility that you might not get what you think you want. You might not, or you might get something better.

In truth, how can anyone feel loved in a situation where he or she has to become something else, more or better, in order to prove their love for you. This kind of relationship is parent-child. It will never be happy or fulfilling. And forget about sex! What man wants to sleep with his mother. This can lead to cheating, impotence, coldness, name calling, resentment or even violence.

The majority of women I have talk to, fell in love with the mans "potential". That is to say, someone who doesn't exist and may never exist. This is why love at first sight, is such a silly notion. Accept the fact that is about sight. You like what you see. He fits your fantasy of the ideal person, who will fill your needs and in some way complete the picture you have of an ideal life, complete you. You are committing you self to stranger. How is that an improvement on, the mail-order bride or an arranged marriage. How many camels or other livestock do you think you might fetch?

Love is not a 2 hour movie with commercials telling you what lingerie to wear and what car he should be driving. It takes time to know someone. Anyone Who isn't willing to take the time is not ready for a relationship.

We train people what's appropriate in a relationship and how to treat us. That is a building process. Without a strong foundation a house will fall. Today we have a 50% divorce rate on first marriages. It goes up from there. So, why do so many want to marry? Eons of conditioning. The biological drive to procreate. Loneliness. Fear growing old alone. Proof that you're worthy of love. Not a reject from the society's conveyer belt of life.

In fact today many women around the world are choosing not to marry. Some choose to stay in dead end relationships, because they don't want to be alone. Actually the relationship keeps a space occupied so they don't have to risk that they may get into a less satisfying relationship. Hopefully the sex is good. You may think others may see you as loyal and faithful. You may think it looks like the next best thing to marriage.

Another phenomenon is the many women in long term affairs with married men. Add to the reasons just mention. The idea that she gives him something his wife can't which makes her superior to the idea of wife or marriage. It also allows her the freedom to leave at any time. She is free of the risk of being alone, trapped in a bad relationship or series of relationships which fail.

For many, even in the western world, the idea of marriage is like being in prison.

******************

This dear soul works diligently to advance her spiritual life, care for an elderly parent and maintain a business. She is in a relationship of a year and a half and calls because she is feeling a distance arise between them. He is in caretaker role with a dying mother and trouble teen. They are mutually interactive in one an others family life.

She is saddened, having spoken with about their situation, the night before. As with many of us, she focused on the sense of lose. In answer to sadness, speak only of the feeling of fulfillment you are seeking. Speak only in short, clear sentences. Focus only on what you want.

Example: "We need to separate this precious time we have together, from all our worries and take this time to replenish one another."

He has recently revealed that he and his estranged wife are only now dissolving their marriage. She was hurt that he was not truthful with her about his marital status.

What do you do with the hurt and possibly a sense of betrayal.

Stop! Before you speak; Where in you body do you feel the impact. What do you feel there? Shock? Hurt? That does not mean rant, accuse, belittle or punish. It does not allow you to shout or in any way be abusive. You need to be clear with yourself and clear it out of your system NOW!

Example: If you feel in in your gut or heart; place your hand there. take a deep slow breath into those areas. Take your time. Identify what you feeling. "This is a shock to my system. I feel like I've been punched in the gut and my heart hurts. I need to understand why you felt the need to withhold this information from me until now. That might help me put this behind me. Thank you for telling me now.

This is a non-blaming format:

When you_______________

I feel __________________

I need you to______________

So that I can______________

Cecly

For Readings:

http://www.carolstjamespsychicreadings.com/readers.php

Healing Techniques

Healing Techniques

When you mentioned your broken arm; we discussed some techniques used in healing. You asked for a recap. I am not trying to make light of the shock or pain of injury to the body or the emotions, with anything that follows. These are some techniques acquired from many healers and modalities. Add them to your tool kit and pass them along. Triage, Breathe. Step outside the problem or trauma (your body) and become the observer. Even if you're screaming, try to take a long deep breath and take control of your breathing. Long, slow, deep breaths. That could prevent you passing out before you can get help, stop the bleeding, etc. In this context, it is intended to create an altered state in which you are aware of the experience, but not subject to it. The pain is buffered. The mind is cleared. Time expands. You may actually move very quickly although everything seems to slow down. Someone practiced in meditation enters a meditative state. A person practiced in self-hypnosis, enters a hypnotic state. At this time it is wise to say something like, "I call on the highest guides, teachers and healers available to me at this time, who serve only the light". Allow yourself to see them. Give them permission to heal you. Listen for instructions or other communications, perhaps mental picture. I've learned to invoke a healing chamber. Usually an octahedron, called a "merkabah". I'd say, "I now invoke a merkabah chamber of love, light, healing and protection around me and another surrounding the injury and I request that it remain in place until the healing is complete". In other circumstances, it might be a cylinder of white flame, an iridescent egg or some other sacred geometry. (look up merkabah or sacred geometry on www.youtube.com or www.wikipedia.org) I mention a situation in which I dropped a sprout jar and trying to catch it. I broke it and it cut my wrist. I saw 2 spirts of blood and knew that the vessel I cut was an artery. Both the artery and a tendon were almost completely severed. I immediately wrapped it in a dish towel and arranged a ride to the hospital. I immediately instructed my arm to increase blood flow around the wound but to stop flowing into the wound. I think it worked because I expected it to! The Dr. walked in as I told the nurse not to give me the pain shot as it would interfere with the process I was using. He was infuriated and refused to speak to me. He tried so hard to make it hurt that I giggled. Stop at the moment and realign. I bruise easily, a friend explained to me, that if I bump into something, I should stop and return to the exact spot and reconnect contact points. Then wait, as the pain subsides, the atoms at the point of impact in the object and in my body would realign. When I do this, I can often prevent a bruise. We must resist the impulse to run from pain. If we stay with the pain until it resolves, we may be able to leave it in that moment. Use substances associated with the injury. I took the stitches I removed and put them in a small glass jar with a sewing needle. Periodically, I would gently stroke the healing wound with them, sending in love. Revisit the moment. Wether a wound presents as physical, emotional, psychological, or an event causing shock or loss; it is of the spirit and serve the spirit. That means all healing is of the spirit and is healed in spirit. At any time we can revisit the moment, always from another perspective. That is, another time in space. We can return to the moment in spirit and bring that perspective, to heal, or compound the our suffering, if we remain attached to the pain. See your higher self return to bring comfort, wisdom, love, compassion and healing perspective to the wounded self or another. This reconstruction is done with past life therapy or present life regression therapy. The goal is to remove your consciousness from a negative time line and move it to an improved time line. Working with the "inner child," follows the same root healing technique. Your adult consciousness returns to comfort, guide and rescue. Breathing is always at the core. As I mentioned, days later I spoke with my "Oriental" philosophy teacher. Not very P.C. today, but it was the 70's. He said, only directing energy in, causes congestion. The energy being directed with healing intent, should be breathed, in and out. Like the chakras implode and explode; breath of life is inspiration (in spirit) and expiration (expire, the spirit leaves). Birth, death and renewal are in all things, and in each moment. (look up Chakras on www.youtube.com or www.wikipedia.org) You are at the forefront of your DNA Not only are we healing our past lives, but we carry in our DNA the recorded memories of the original mother and father and all life from the beginning. Sometimes that seems overwhelmingly painful, at others ecstatic. Two sides of any moment. I think of Somerset Maum's book, "Razors Edge,” The 1946 movie with Tyrone Power. The path to enlightenment is the razors edge. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0038873/ Love and light, Cecly

For Readers, Guidance and Other Goodies: http://www.carolstjamespsychicreadings.com/readers.php